Parents Must Not Say To Children-They Do Not Know

Parents Must Not Say To Children-They Do Not Know

Md. Lutful Huda

“Don’t Say - You're Too Lazy”

1. Negative labels can be devastating to kids. But positive labels can backfire, too. Statements such as "You're so smart" and "You're so cute" put pressure on kids to live up to impossible expectations. Parents can adopt a similarly calm, non labeling approach. Parents should figure out the balance as to what and how should they say the same to their kids.

“Don’t Say - You’re A Bad Kid”

2. Sometimes parents might feel like their kid is truly a bad person because of their erratic behaviour. But the parental turmoil caused by a kid’s bad behaviour is based on an assumption that is most certainly false. Kids misbehave for an enormous variety of reasons. But telling a kid that’s what they are allowing them to internalize the message. This can lead to even worse behaviour and a slate of psychological issues including depression and anxiety. The better art is to call out the behaviour as being bad and continue to reinforce that the kid is, in fact, a good person capable of doing good. In fact, it’s even better to call out good behaviours that will put them in the light accentuates the positive.

‘Do Not Compare’

3. Don’t compare your children with one another because comparisons are toxic and they serve no positive purpose. Try to take every child as a completely different individual. Everyone is different. Celebrate your child's uniqueness. Instead of making unhelpful comparisons, parents would do better by encouraging cooperation between kids. Encouraging non competitive cooperative games or asking kids to work together to complete a shared chore is much better than pointing out comparative weaknesses. Don't also compare your child's faults or shortcomings to the success of those around them. Comparisons still hurt teens and adults too.

“Never Say - You Can’t Do It or I Don’t Believe in You”

4. Knowing parents trust to their kid gives them the strength, courage, motivation, tenacity, and more. Take that belief away to say negative. Otherwise the damage will be huge. Say things positively and encourage them in their goals. Your kids can mess up, and they will.  But if you want your children to learn from their mistakes, address their mess and how it can be fixed without hanging it on them. The label of failure is a heavy load to carry, and most kids won’t hold up. 

“Never Say - Don’t Be Such a Wimp or You’re Such A Bonehead”

5. This should never be said to children. Telling your child they’re stupid, wimp or bonehead, is implanted in the hard drive of their mind and is difficult to delete. It’s certainly no way to motivate them.

“Don’t Ever Say - Can’t You Do Anything Right?”

6. When a parent says this to a child in the heat of the moment, it’s not only saying that the child messed this one thing up, but also that they mess up everything. It’s always dangerous to use broad brush or negative words like always, never, everything, or anything.

‘Do Not Lie and Talk Indecent’

7. No one likes to argue with a child, especially if it's to get them to do something they don't like. Lie shouldn't be said to children. Lie is a sin. It has to be inculcated in children. Never practice lie in front of the children also. Remember, parents are role models. Your kids will learn to lie if you do. Again, Swearing, indecent jokes, talking badly about others and complaining about everything are things you should not say in front of your children also. They are always listening and are likely to repeat what you say.

‘Do Not Blame’

8. Your children may be wrong many a time. But if you manage the situation without blaming your child, you can feel peace and that is also better for your kids. Don't place blame on them which will have a negative effect. Try to make them understand the bad effect of doing wrong. That will definitely have a positive effect on your kids. Never also say that you have expended so much money to grow them up. Expressing expenditure for them may also hurt their inner mind.

'Do Not Say ‘Yes’ Always’

9. Every parent wants the best for their kids. But love is not calculated by giving into your child's every need. It is in fact quite the opposite. Limit has to be there for kids. But saying ‘No’ all the time is also not good. You wouldn't want to limit your child's creativity by always shooting down their suggestions.

‘Do Not Label’

10. Everyone has imperfections. You also don’t expect your child to be totally perfect and can do no wrong. You also won't want to raise children who feel defined by their imperfections. Be encouraging and supportive to your children. Don't ever label your child.

‘Don’t Criticize and Be Constructive’

11. Try not to criticize your kids in front of friends and relatives. Criticism should be a learning tool, accompanied by an explanation. Make sure your words are meant to guide, not aimed at hurting someone. Remember, Teens are hypersensitive to criticism. So try to offer a rationale. No matter how bad the drawing, praise your child's creativity. Encourage your child by showing off their accomplishments to others with pride. Avoid condemning their achievements, appearance and choices.

Note:

Prepared by Major (R) Md. Lutful Huda, presently Chairman of TIDAC and Dreamwork Limited, Chief Editor of 'Crime and Judgement' Magazine 

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