‘Myths of Marriages’ - You Never Knew Before

‘Myths of Marriages’ - You Never Knew Before

General

Md. Lutful Huda

‘Myths Of Marriages’- If your family had better ideas about what a good marriage looks like and expressed these ideas on a regular basis, you might have internalized them yourself. There are lots of advantages and disadvantages in a marriage. I talked to my Psychologist friend to find out the myths of marriages followed by facts. With my shallow knowledge and experience that I have gathered, I like to put that into effect for all. The problem with myths is that when we mistake them for facts, they can potentially hamper our partnerships. You’ll find myths followed by their facts appended below: 

1. Myth. Happy Couples Do Everything Together.

Fact. Spending time together and sharing common interests with spouse is great, but focusing on your own interests also is healthy. In fact, when the opposite happens, you’re forced to do things, you don’t enjoy or you’re not allowed to do things that are important to you. It seems your sense of safety and trust in your marriage is compromised. However be positive. Positive people attract others while negative repels.

2. Myth. Your Spouse is Your Best Friend.

Fact. Don’t force your spouse to be your best friend. Your spouse should be the closest friend of yours. Many of us are determined to make our spouse our best friend, which really means trying to shape and pulverize our spouse into acting the way you think a best friend should. Keep your best friends your best friends. Make the friendship with your spouse into a different category of its own. Not solely based on your outlook and previous experience, but on what works for both of you. You only get weirder as you get older. If you can’t stand each other’s idiosyncrasies now, you’ll be sleeping in different rooms later.

3. Myth. True Love Knows What To Say And What To Do.

Fact. It’s not possible to read our minds. It’s important in a marriage for each of us to communicate our requirements. There may be a fear that if you ask something then it doesn’t count or it’s not meaningful. Communication also is a key when couples experience disagreement or disconnection. After a misunderstanding, many partners will let their bitterness build while quietly hoping that their loved one will figure out what they did wrong or think. In general, it’s essential to put your relationship first, because it doesn’t happen magically. You have to make it a priority and have conversations with each other.

4. Myth. Marriage Completes You.

Fact. If you’re looking for a relationship to complete you, you will constantly feel very lacking. Your spouse is not a magic spirit with wish granting abilities. Your spouse is a human. If you’re putting unrealistic mythical expectations on your relationship, it might end up more Greek tragedy than romantic comedy. A good relationship should not complete you; it should inspire and challenge you to work on filling in the cracks on a daily basis. If you are intelligent, you may think, my wife can’t complete me, and I don’t put that heavy expectation on her. But my wife does give me the encouragement and strength to strive to be better every day. And my wife helps give me peace while I continually work on my incompleteness.

5. Myth. Having Kids Brings Couples Closer.

Fact. Having kids can deepen partners’ understanding of each other and their intimacy. But having kids also activates many hidden fault lines for spouses that produce disastrous marital earthquakes sometimes if you think negative. For instance, partners may disagree on their style of parenting. One spouse might think the other is too permissive or restrictive. One spouse may become jealous if their child always turns to the other spouse for support. Having kids will bring you closer if you allow your life to expand to embrace the wisdom of goodness.

6. Myth. Differences Ruin Marriage.

Fact. It isn’t the differences in a marriage that potentially destroy it. It’s the way you respond to those differences that’s the key. We need to remember that we are two totally separate people and supposed to have differences. Actually we are two distinct individuals with a slide of differences. But it’s important to realize that differences are natural and normal. You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says but you have to figure out what he or she says and find something worth. You might say, “I don’t get this. Can you help me understand? This kind of conversation give couples the opportunity to connect and get to know each other.

7. Myth. Happy Couples Don’t Argue.

Fact. Each of us enters into marriage with different expectations, needs, fears and experiences from our families or past relationships. Naturally, miss communication is bound to happen. A lack of arguing indicates a lack of truthfulness and emotional intimacy. This also erodes trust and triggers feelings of contempt. Healthy couples do argue. But they don’t explode or use arguing as a tool to gain power in the relationship. The healthiest couples also seek to resolve arguments, are able adjust to the resolutions, and then can to forgive and move on.

8. Myth. Choice on ‘Whom You Marry’.

Fact. Choosing your spouse is extremely important. Love is more an intentional choice than a stinging feeling. Marriages don’t fall apart because of one big compromise. They fall apart due to a thousand small ones. Like a windshield crack, the longer you drive on without addressing the issue, the more shattered your relationship will become.

9. Myth. Divorce is Harmful for Women and Children.

Fact. The freedom to leave a dysfunctional marriage can be a lifesaver for men and women. On average, children of divorce exhibit more behavioral problems and do more poorly in school than children of intact marriages. But in many cases, the problems blamed on divorce can be seen in children many years before their parents split up and are actually a result of the dysfunctional family relations that eventually led to divorce. 

10. Myth. Married Couples are the Building Blocks of Community Life.

Facts. Married men and men are less likely to visit and give practical assistance to their extended families than are the unmarried. Men without wives are much more likely to call their parents than their married peers. The notion that marriage is an impediment to commitments to the larger community is a long standing one. 

11. Myth. Marriage Will Free You of Your Sin.

Facts. Most of the troubles we face in marriage are not intentional or personal. In most marriage situations, you do not face difficulty because your spouse intentionally did something to make your life difficult. Yes, in moments of anger that may happen. But most often, what is really happening is that your life is being affected by the sin, weakness, and failure of the person you are living with. At some point you will be selfish. In some situation, you will speak unkindly. There will be moments of jealousy, bitterness, and conflict. When your ears hear and your eyes see the sin, weakness, or failure of your husband or wife, it is never an accident. It is always grace. God loves your spouse, and He is committed to transforming him or her by his grace. He has chosen you to be one of his regular tools of change. So, He will cause you to see, hear, and experience your spouse’s need for change so that you can be a mediator of his release.

12. Myth. Forgiveness is Essential.

Facts. When you have been wronged in word or action by your husband or wife, your response must be shaped by an immediate commitment that you make before Almighty Allah. Forgiveness begins by your giving the offense to Him. This does not mean that you act as if something wrong is right. It means that you do not carry the wrong with you and that you do not treat the other in light of the wrong. You entrust yourself to Almighty Allah’s mercy and justice, and you give yourself to overcoming evil with good. You commit to respond to your spouse with the same grace that you have been given. You do not insert yourself into God’s position and mete out punishment for his or her offenses.

13. Myth. Marriage Will Make You Happy. 

Facts. Remember, an unhappy single person will most likely have an unhappy marriage. Happiness is a choice, and should come from within. Even if you happen to marry somebody incredibly rich or drop dead gorgeous or kind, if you find the dark cloud in every silver lining, you are going to have an unhappy marriage. Remember not to burden your spouse with so many unrealistic expectations of the person you want them to be. Marriage will not cure your loneliness or your pessimism. As with everything else in life, your marriage is what you make it.

Conclusion

Marriage is like driving a car. Even if you’re in the front seat, you may not understand what’s going on under the hood. Many times, it’s the myths about marriage that mess a marriage up before you even get married. If you can deconstruct these myths, it will help you make a wiser choice about whom to marry and how to do marriage better.

Note:

Prepared by Major (R) Md. Lutful Huda, presently Chairman of TIDAC and Dreamwork Limited, Chief Editor of 'Crime and Judgement' Magazine 

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