You Must Consider Before Filing Divorce

MUST CONSIDER BEFORE FILING DIVORCE

Introduction

1. Statistics says that approximately 60% of first time marriages in the United States result in divorce and over 70% of second time marriages also end in divorce. Same is the situations in some other countries too. Since you are contemplating divorce, it is very important that you get a good understanding of what you may experience. Please keep in mind that the more amicable your relationship is prior to and/or during your divorce, the more likely you will lessen the emotional and financial burdens caused by ending your marriage. 

Divorce, Md. Lutful Huda

2. Where there is abuse, cheating or alcoholism, the children are going to be affected, and divorce may be inevitable. Where the parties have just grown apart, however, your decisions about separation and divorce should always take into consideration how your children will fare in two homes or how possibly losing the parent who moves away as a result of the divorce will impact them. Your children should be the first consideration, and you should think of them before you think about getting a divorce. Improving your communication skills with your spouse and working on your marriage is often a better option.

Factors

3. Evaluate Your Problems. Take a step back. Is divorce the answer? Don’t rush into a decision that will affect the rest of your life. Give priority to your children. Every marriage has hope. Do you really despise your spouse that much that you want a divorce? If you want to give it another thought, then take a good look at yourself, your spouse and your marriage. Try to figure out exactly what is wrong. There are many steps you can take to improve your marriage, but you need to stop, evaluate, and take a strong look at the problems that exist. Once your problems are identified, address them slowly one by one.

4. Evaluate Your Situation. Make sure that the decision you make is not just a reaction, but is carefully thought out. If you have been unhappy for a number of years, then analyze what makes the most sense. If it is because you are involved in another relationship, then be very careful as too many people leave one bad marriage for a relationship, and end up going through more than one divorce. Be true to yourself.

5. Meet Marriage Counsellor. If you have children, take an extra deep to look into the wrongs with your marriage. Children deserve this extra look and every last option there is to keep a marriage alive. Sometimes a good marriage counselor and a couple of sessions can get you on the path to strengthening your marriage. There are three reasons to go into counseling. The first reason is to see if the marriage can be saved. The second reason is to build a support system for yourself. The third reason is to make sure you know everything you can about yourself. So that you will not make the same mistake and marry the same type of person again and again.

6. Impact On Children. Consider the impact on your children before you decide to divorce. You must recognize the fact that children are collateral damage in every divorce. Impacts may be as follows:

• a. Once there is a divorce, the children have lost the security of the family. They are no longer living as their friends do, living with a mommy and a daddy. They’re different. 
• b. Divorce significantly affects children in all aspects of their lives. The family’s income supports one household pre divorce, the same income must support two separate households post divorce. Obviously, the children’s lifestyle will have to be reduced and divorce often forces a family to sell their house and other belongings. So the children lose their home, their neighborhoods and their security. This uprooting from their old neighborhood has to have an i mpact on them. 
• c. Unfortunately, in most divorces, there is some misbehavior on the part of the parents. The most difficult thing in the divorce case is when one of the parents has found a new partner and the children are now introduced to that person as a new parent figure. Attempting to substitute someone else as that parent figure is not only bad for the children, but will ultimately have a severe impact on them as they grow up.

7. Getting Back Together. Many marriages have survived the beginnings of a ruthless confrontation. The thought of divorce can strengthen the marital bond. Many spouses discover the depth of their love and commitment during the divorce period.

8. Good And Bad Times. All marriages have good and bad times. Marriage is an emotional, moral and social bondage that is a reality of all relationships. Avoid confrontations, if possible. If possible, talk to your spouse. See if there are ways to save the marriage. Try to communicate. Divorce should be a last resort and not the first resort. 

9. Build A Support System. Consider who among your family and friends you can trust, because it is important to have a support system as you go through a divorce and prior the divorce. 

10. No One Is Perfect. In a highly stressed system, there’s little reserve and therefore little resilience. Even small difficulties can feel insurmountable. No one is perfect. No matter what the issues are, no matter how difficult a partner we’ve picked. We all contribute, in some way, to the problems we have. Perhaps we’re provocative, or dismissive, or we don’t keep our word. Perhaps we’ve been unwilling to speak up, or be honest, or tackle our marital difficulties head on. Maybe we’re too quick to flare or to blame.

Conclusion

11. Most of us step into marriage with hope and enthusiasm, determined to have ours be a marriage that lasts. But marriage is difficult in ways few of us are prepared for. Other couples get stuck and are unable to move forward. For some, their struggles constitute deal breakers. Every relationship will have its share of stressors. Relationships are a lot like houses. When exposed to a small earthquake, the structure can weather the shaking with little or no damage. But in a 8 earthquake, even the best engineered structure will crack. So take precaution to save yourself from all adversary of life.

Note:

Prepared by Major (R) Md. Lutful Huda, presently Chairman of TIDAC and Dreamwork Limited, Chief Editor of 'Crime and Judgement' Magazine