Self Absorption: The Root of All Evil?

Self Absorption: The Root of All Evil?

Md. Lutful Huda

Md. Lutful Huda

General

1. Self absorption is the root to all psychological evil. Paying attention to our wants and needs is appropriate, even necessary. But whether we’re feeling extremely bad or nervous about ourselves, worriedly ruminating about how others perceive us, or indulging in grandiose thoughts about our specialness. We’re descending into a state of toxic self absorption. When self-absorption is explored in the literature, it’s generally contrasted with self reflection, self awareness, and introspection personality characteristics regarded much more positively, for they’re related to maturity, sensitivity, and achieving valuable personal insight. If you’ve ever been called self absorbed, you can be sure you weren’t getting a compliment. Not only is the root definition of the term negative, but it’s also super saturated with unfavorable connotations. As generally understood, the concept is pretty much synonymous with self preoccupied, self centered, self obsessed and even egotistical and selfish. Experts on pathological narcissism routinely speak of self absorption as perhaps the most identifying trait of this personality disorder.

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How Do We Define Self Absorption?

2. Being self absorbed, self preoccupied and selfish isn’t always an easy action to recognize. Sometimes, it's subtle qualities lull you into a sense of contentment. But, if you look closely at your actions, you begin to realize that may be your enemy was right all along. Self-absorption is defined as being preoccupied with yourself to the point where you exclude the outside world.

3. Let’s look first at self-absorption as it moderates nervous, helpless, or shameful feelings in anxiety disorders. And here’s a quotation from Dan Neuharth, PhD, MFT, that specifically refers to narcissistic personality disorders but in language that's just as applicable to many other psychological disturbances “Underneath their self-centeredness, they are likely afraid of feeling flawed, powerless, unworthy, or out of control”.

Mental Dysfunctions

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3. When being self absorbed, the care of others’ feelings seems to fade into the background. Unfortunately, self absorbed people don’t make the best of friends, and they tend to spend way too much time being concerned about themselves and even having grandiose thoughts of their special status. It’s like confidence on steroids, or something of that nature. Self absorption can be seen in serious character flaws and even illnesses too.

Negative Effects of Self Absorption

7. There are many things which are birthed from being self absorbed. Researchers have found that being self absorbed shortens the lifespan and impairs the health. This malady can also affect relationships because unions are designed for the care of two, not one individual. Involvement in self absorption can also cloud your view of the world and further damage your mental well being.

8. What perhaps most needs to be emphasized here is that ruminative thinking is evaluative thinking. Whether it’s depression or anxiety, ruminators compare themselves unfavorably to others, believing their problems are somehow unique, or at least less resolvable than others. Stuck in a seemingly endless feedback loop, they torture themselves with discouraged, worrisome thoughts. Anguishing over their problems and so, making them appear even worse they experience great difficulty coming up with tenable ways of disentangling themselves from this largely self constructed morass.

9. What’s also common in those with depression and anxiety is that their aversive thoughts are distorted or exaggerated. And the reason that therapy can be so helpful for them is that they need someone whose authority they respect to introduce them to a fresh, more hopeful outlook that directly counters their stagnant, self thwarting one. Absent some kind of external intervention, the unfortunate result of all their obsessing is, 'increased sadness, distress, and anxiety, reduced motivation, insomnia, and increased tiredness, self criticism, pessimism and hopelessness.'

A Story of Self Absorption

Md. Lutful Huda

Md. Lutful Huda

4. Rahim typically walks in the morning by the Bay. The new day is fully alive; it is a delight to smell freshness all around. All sorts of birds arrive for early breakfast, and the Sun shines its warmth equally among every living being. Rahim realized in that walk, that the clearer his mind is from thoughts about himself, greater enjoyment will be experienced. Anand also experienced, that whatever the heart desires, the mind will make it happen. Even if it is not real. It is all about those thoughts shaping the reality to fulfill unconscious wishes. Playing with those thoughts about the reality of 'me,' is called self absorption. When we reach that stage of consciousness, we see life only in relationship with our perceived 'Me.' If 'I' have a problem, nothing going on outside will matter unless that which 'I' see outside 'myself', helps 'me.'

5. For example, if someone falls in love, and there is no correspondence as she wishes to happen, the ego will be hurt. That pain will be expressed through continuous thoughts about the same thing, for something has to be done to change that. Even though, life changes as we move in time, the thoughts from the past and future will be there hunting that person down, until something happens which is interpreted as beneficial. Then a new story is built by the mind.

6. Someone in that state of being cannot appreciate anything. That self absorption does not allow for life to continue on, but it stops in the wall of the 'Me'. For most, that is a very strong wall.

“I am hurt, thus the world does not matter.”

That is extreme self-absorption.

Rahim was smiling at the runners by the Bay, saying 'hello' to them. But, a 'hello' back to him seldom happened.

Most of them weren’t 'real runners,' for running, as running in itself wasn’t enjoyed. It was about losing weight, getting a 'workout,' etc. Anything but enjoying that running, enjoying that activity of moving one foot in front of the other through a graceful jump… all by itself.

You could see it in their faces. All hooked up to their devices, phones, radios etc. To be in another reality until the 'workout is over.'

In self absorption, the beauty of nature is of no consequence when all it matters is to 'lose weight' and 'to look good' as if there was a 'judge' waiting to judge the 'results.'

In self absorption, enjoyment is an unknown long lasting experience. It is all about results, all about 'getting there and make it happen.' Never mind the 'process.'

When someone is self absorbed, to do and to have are important as long as they enhance the sense of “Me.”

My family is important as an extension of me.

My car is important as a perceived status of me.

My body is important as an image of me.

Exercise is important as a tool to reshape me.

God is important, as long as He helps me.

Meditation is important to feel good about me.

My thoughts about 'Me' will not allow 'Me' to appreciate 'Me'.

In that state of consciousness, it is very difficult to experience oneness, for 'Me' only sees separation.

When the capacity for enjoyment of life is gone; when feeling gratitude for being awake everyday is gone; when all there is in life is to take care of me, through the “same old thing,” when the only joy remaining is to “purchase” new things or to taste “new things,” at that point there is a need to change, for that self absorption will literally kill you.

That “me” is truly your worst nightmare. Wake up to save yourself…

Let’s Fine Tune Our Character

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10. If you are self absorbed, or your 'enemy' has tagged you with this noxious character identity, then there is hope. One of the best ways to curb that horrid self absorption, temptation is to focus on its opposite. No, the opposite of self absorption is not self denial and selflessness. On the contrary, the remedy, it seems, is in practicing self awareness and introspection. Always examining our motives is a good way to keep that self absorbing monster in its place. Experts think really this is the key! Other ways to break and open this cage of self is to spend more time helping others and listening to their stories, issues and plans for the future. No, everything is not about you. Get over it. When you can remind yourself that you are not the only concern and that you are worthy, just as anyone else, you will begin to break the cycle of self absorption. I am appreciative to the enemy for showing me something that I didn’t even see in myself, but it’s best if you can see it before you have to be told. Self examination reveals the truth in our motives, remember that.

Note:

Written by Major (R) Md. Lutful Huda, presently Chairman of TIDAC and Dreamwork Limited, Chief Editor of 'Crime and Judgement' Magazine