Save Your Military Marriage

Save Your Military Marriage

Md. Lutful Huda

The unforeseen challenges we face in military marriages, our civilian friends don’t understand. Most military marriages have rough spots from time to time but those are often temporary. Most people have a hard time wrapping their head around the “underpinnings” of a marriage. On the surface, the problems may seem straightforward like “He doesn’t respect me.” Or “She doesn’t understand who I am anymore”. Marriage therapists say that understanding the “why” behind those statements is critical to saving a marriage. In many cases, you will need help outside of your usual support network. You will need professional advice and couples therapy. Although your partner might think that seeking counseling is a sign of weakness, there is no shame in wanting to make your marriage work. Counseling works. Even if it only works for you.

If you feel that divorce is inevitable, know that it is not going to be easy process. It is much more complicated than they expected, especially if children are involved. Going through the process of marriage counseling and doing the work, you and your partner need to do to make the marriage move forward may be much easier than the process of divorce. Remember, “It takes a lot of wisdom to accept the things, the things which you cannot change or which is not under your control and change the things you can”. 

Things that is most likely to save Military Marriage can be:

Make the Best of Time

1. Staying apart from your spouse is usually inevitable in the military, but learning to make the best of that time is going to help the separation go much easier. Instead of pulling away during this time, use it to grow closer to your spouse and learn more about them. Make the best of these separations, by having a good attitude, setting some goals to accomplish during this time, and learning to encourage each other through it.

Understanding and Patience


2. Understanding and patience are so important in a military marriage because of the toll

the lifestyle can take on the military member and even the spouse. Understanding and patience are the keys to getting through each day. Being understanding will help lessen the tension between you and your spouse, and being patient will help both of you learn to get through each day and each tough time, step by step.

Communicate Effectively

3. Communication is the key to any relationship. Communication is especially important in

a military marriage because of how stressful the lifestyle can be. If you are not talking things out with your spouse, you are keeping it all in and eventually it will hurt your relationship. Communicate honestly, your feelings about the lifestyle, the job, the mission, and even deployment. With effective communication, you and your spouse will still be able to talk through important things about your family.

Savor Each Moment

4. Learn to savor the moments you have with your spouse. Go on a date, take a vacation,

do things you might not normally do together – just have fun! Focus on the good and appreciate the small things in your marriage and family. Then, when your spouse is away again, you will have these wonderful moments to look back on and remember.

Talk and Laugh

5. Time together is precious and sometimes laughter is few and far between, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t take time out for it. It’s been said that laughter is the

Md. Lutful Huda

best medicine and I definitely agree. Sitting together, talking and laughing is a great way to strengthen your relationship and it’s definitely something you won’t regret.

Anger and Escalation

6. Criticism and arguments never get resolved. Instead, one

Md. Lutful Huda

fight leads to another and another and another. When your anger gets out of control, tell yourself to stay calm and take a time out. This could mean going into another room or taking a walk to help you calm down.

Negative Outlook

7. It is obvious that partners often express a negative outlook on every situation. Many couples say things like, “See, I told you that you will never change!" Or “There you go -- you are doing it again!” They also use phrases like “you always” or “you never.” Having a negative outlook will only make everything worse and not better. Work on seeing the good in your partner and telling them about it will help to be happy. It’s such a treat to watch a military life and marriage, and you can only hope to make your own military marriage even stronger with the things that I have enumerated above will most likely save your military marriage.   

Note:

Written by Major (R) Md. Lutful Huda, presently Chairman of TIDAC and Dreamwork Limited, Chief Editor of 'Crime and Judgement' Magazine