Military Spouse

Military Spouses

Md. Lutful Huda

1. I saw military life as a huge barrier to a successful marriage. From deployments, exercise, unscheduled move and moving all the time to the consequences of war. Military takes regular everyday marriage problems and catapults them towards troubled waters. It's not in everyone's case but most! At least in my mind that’s what I was thinking. 

The Real Reason Being a Military Wife is Hard Are:

Md. Lutful Huda

2. You’ve got to hold it together when your service member leaves to work in exercise, deployments and in a really dangerous place for months on end or more and in foreign mission etc. 

You’ve got to be okay with moving halfway around the world from your family.

You’ve got to be okay with your service member missing all the special stuff like birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, or the birth of your child.

You’ve got to be okay with putting your career on the back burner sometimes because moving all over the place and maintaining a career isn’t as easy as it looks.

You’ve got to be okay with letting go some of the control in your life because God knows the military is going to make some big life decisions for you.

You’ve got to be okay with leaving close friends and family behind while you start a new life.

And you will be okay because you  are strong, resilient and tougher than even you imagine.  But it’s all of these things, and so much more, that make life as a military wife so hard sometimes.

3. I must say - Military Marriage is awesome, but it’s also really tough some days. Despite our good relationship, my wife and I have experienced our fair share of stressful challenges and obstacles, especially when it comes to military life. Military moves, military deployments, having kids while stationed far from family, changing jobs, and learning to make peace are just a few challenges that come to mind.

4. Over the past several years, I’ve watched military marriages both flourish and crumble in the face of difficult circumstances. I’ve watched the strong military marriages carefully, studying and learning, hoping to grow and keep my own military marriage strong. They try to see things through the service members perspective.

5. Marriage is a lot of work, requiring regular nurturing and attention. Spouses of strong military marriages seek out time to reconnect with their husbands and wives despite the busyness and stress of everyday military life. They willingly embrace the ups and downs of military life. It’s not always easy to roll with the punches, but these military spouses do. Deployment on short notice? Unexpected move? A change in resources available to military families? These military spouses handle life changes with grace, poise, and good will.

Md. Lutful Huda

6. Military Spouses don’t create or escalate drama. On the drama. Military Spouses of strong marriages keep far away from unnecessary drama within the community. They offer help to others and erase snide and mean comments from their vocabulary. Overall, they are just friendly and nice spouses to be around. They don’t project anger felt towards the military onto service members. There are some aspects of military life that are amazing. There are, of course, many times when the military has control over your life and that can feel very difficult and even make a spouse feel angry at the military. Military spouses of strong marriages, however, know the difference between being angry at the military and being angry at their service member. They get their anger out and address it but they don’t blame their service member for a move, deployment, or other challenging circumstances.

Md. Lutful Huda

7. I’ve learned so much from watching other strong military marriages grow and flourish in the community. People love being around them. They make friends easily and adapt to new duty stations like nobody’s business. 

I will say, without hesitation, that military spouses pay just as high a price for freedom as do their active duty husbands and wives.

Note:

Prepared by Major (R) Md. Lutful Huda, presently Chairman of TIDAC and Dreamwork Limited, Chief Editor of 'Crime and Judgement' Magazine